


can't.

by hesitant



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-17 23:07:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11278659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hesitant/pseuds/hesitant
Summary: Oh,shit.Common Sense says. Kei agrees wholeheartedly.





	can't.

Kei doesn’t know what he’s doing. He’s standing outside the house, the lights on behind every window. His phone clutched in his hand, his finger hovering over the CALL button because he doesn’t think he can bring himself to knock.

It’s been an off day, off week maybe. It was like Murphy's Law had it out for him personally. His shoes untied, his lunch bland, he stepped in a puddle, a headache just strong enough to bother him.

The only thing he could think to do was sleep it off, but after an hour of fruitlessly staring at the ceiling he pulled on his shoes and went for an aimless walk instead. Walked and walked and ended up here for some reason. _Muscle memory_ , he tells himself and almost believes it.

 _Go home_ , Common Sense is telling him, but Common Sense had also told him it wouldn’t rain the other day and he’d ended up soaked to the bone.

He sighs and closes his eyes and presses CALL before he can stop himself. Tadashi picks up on the third ring. “Hey, Tsukki!”

Kei grits his teeth, his chest feels light and heavy and bursting and hollow. He doesn’t say anything, part of him wishes Tadashi would hang up after minutes of silence but he knows he wouldn’t. “I’m outside, open up.” He says finally, his throat burns.

He hangs up before Tadashi can say anything. A second later the door opens. Kei should’ve left while he could. Tadashi steps outside and walks up to open the gate for him, the unlocked gate that Kei could’ve opened himself. Tadashi steps aside to let him in but Kei doesn’t move.

“Are you alright, Tsukki?” Tadashi asks. No ulterior motive, no tease, just genuine care. Kei could say ‘I don’t want to talk about it’ and Tadashi would understand and leave it and try and to comfort him with routine and familiarity, with dinner with his family and movies in his bedroom and the guest futon neither of them use.

He gives Tadashi a vague “Hm,” and finally walks in off the sidewalk he’d been standing on for the better part of twenty minutes.

Tadashi closes the gate behind him. He’s frowning, worried. “Why aren’t you wearing a jacket?” He asks. Kei had forgotten to grab one when he left, accidently slamming the door behind him, he’d felt the cold the whole walk here but didn’t turn back.

He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t know if his silence is enough of an answer but Tadashi doesn’t ask again, instead gently nudges him toward the door.

Inside is warm and smells like food, he can hear Tadashi’s parent’s quiet conversation in the dining room. He’d interrupted dinner. The onslaught of embarrassment and discomfort is so strong he almost turns around and leaves without saying a word but Tadashi has closed the door behind them and still looks worried when Kei sneaks a glance at him out of the corner of his eye.

“Did something happen?” Tadashi asks, quiet so his parents don’t overhear.

 _I lost my keys and got hit in the shoulder during practice and it still hurts a little and I sat on a piece of gum and can’t settle on a song for longer than twenty seconds and I should’ve stayed in my room pretending to sleep, I don’t know why I come to you when my life feels shitty._ But Common Sense is yelling at him to not say that _you idiot, shut up_ and he listens this time. “No.” He says, he slips off his shoes and lines them up so he doesn’t have to look at Tadashi.

He’s quiet, Kei hears him shuffle from foot to foot. He absently notes that Tadashi’s parents are quiet, too. _Synchronized Awkward Yamaguchi Silence!_ A voice that sounds suspiciously like Daichi-san says.

Kei straightens up and finally turns to Tadashi. He’s wearing those ridiculous fuzzy socks with the green and pink stripes, Kei almost comments on it but the worried crease of Tadashi’s brows stops him.

“Uh- oh, are you hungry?” Tadashi asks. “We’re having dinner, come on.”

The hand on his arm is warm as he’s lead into the dining room. Tadashi’s parents smile when they greet him and wave him off when he apologizes for intruding. Tadashi disappears into the kitchen and leaves Kei sitting with his parents in not entirely comfortable silence.

“How’s school?” Yamaguchi Aoi asks, she smiles at him pleasantly, vaguely reminiscent of Tadashi.

“It’s fine, thank you.” Kei says and the silence that follows is even less comfortable but he can’t bring himself to do anything about it.

Tadashi appears soon after, as if sensing the awkward atmosphere. He’s balancing an extra plate and glass that he sets down in front of Kei before taking his seat next to him.

The table melts in to easy conversation, Aoi asks Tadashi about practice and Souta -his father- winks when he asks if he’s made any new _friends_. Tadashi answers him in a tone that suggests he asks this too often and then quickly changes the subject back to volleyball and class and his grades and what they’ll do for family night next week.

Kei lets their voices lull him until his stomach stops feeling unsettled.

After dinner he and Tadashi wash the dishes in silence. Kei stares at the running water and Tadashi’s hands and is generally unhelpful but Tadashi doesn’t complain. Tadashi takes him up to his room after they’re done. This is muscle memory too, he could find his way through the Yamaguchi house with his eyes closed.

Then Tadashi’s bedroom door clicks shut behind them and Kei feels restless and tired and his throat burns and his hands are so cold they sting.

“What’s wrong, Tsukki?”

Kei sits on the bed wringing his hands in his lap. He can see one of his sweaters hanging in Tadashi’s open closet. There’s probably more of his clothes mixed in with Tadashi’s, like there is of Tadashi’s mixed in his dresser and Kei doesn’t know why it makes his chest ache more but it does.

He swallows thickly and sighs, leaning back on his arms to stare at the ceiling before closing his eyes and tries to concentrate on breathing instead of hollow pains.

“Tsukki..?” Tadashi’s worried, he always worries too much. He cares too much, too. Cares about school and sports and Kei. God does he care about him. Kei’s sure he’s never done anything to deserve so much care from someone as _good_ as Tadashi.

Especially not now, when he shows up without reason and Tadashi doesn’t turn him away or demand an explanation. Just tries to help because he wants him to be okay.

The bed dips when Tadashi sits next to him, Kei can feel his eyes on him.

Kei thinks that it shouldn’t be on a night like this; after an odd week, after tripping on untied shoelaces, after being late because he’d forgotten to set his alarm, and hitting his head on every door frame he walked through. It shouldn’t be tonight.

But he turns to Tadashi, and sees the dark fan of his eyelashes and the patterns scattered across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose and the shape of his mouth. Kei finds he is in love.

 _Oh,_ **_shit._ ** Common Sense says. Kei agrees wholeheartedly.

“Hey,” Tadashi bumps their shoulders, “you wanna talk about it?” He asks gently. Kei shakes his head, not trusting himself to speak without dumping his gross feelings all over the place. Tadashi purses his lips and nods. “Do you wanna watch a movie?” Kei nods and that’s the end of that conversation.

Tadashi doesn’t press it further, he knows Kei will talk to him when he’s ready.

Kei’s infinitely grateful for the comfortable routine they fall into. For the movie and Tadashi pressed shoulder to shoulder to him and later, when everyone has gone to sleep and Tadashi scoots to the other side of the bed to make room for Kei and the guest futon is left empty again, Kei is grateful for his best friend.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://touyukii.tumblr.com)


End file.
